Leeying

i've moved. :)

officially 1 more day to a brand new year!
actually, i can't wait for this year to end.
i swear 2010 wasn't a good year for me you see.

many many things happened within this year, much more than i could ever imagine.
freshman year in poly wasn't what i expected at all.
before i got enrolled into poly, poly life seems to be only about fun and nobody gives a damn about studies.
but these few months in TP proved me wrong.
there are loads of studious and clever people out there, striving to excel in their studies.
talking about peer pressure yeah.

life in TP is totally different from sec school life, and i struggled much to adapt to the new style of learning.
it's like, you can be really free for that few weeks, and suddenly all the project deadlines and presentations come crashing on you at the same time before you know it.
i never thought i would be the type of person who sacrifices sleep to rush for projects zzz.

however, i'm really glad i have met my current project mates / poly clique during my first year in TP.
we never have poltics, conflicts or other arguments throughout the different projects and we really work well with one another as a group.
pene, deb, jj, bren, bj! :)





other than all the bad things which happened to me in 2009, i was glad i had him by my side when i was having my darkest moments.
i don't know how i would have survived through this year without that pillar of support.
and it's killing me to know that i gotta stop relying on him anymore.
heck, you know for the countless times i had other problems, he came out to find me in the middle of the night, pulled me into his arms and let me cry my heart out on his shoulders, not minding about the tear stains i left on his shirt sleeves at all.
at those moments, i was thinking, "why would i ever thought of giving up on this r/s. i love  him, i bloody love this guy okay."
but i just never learn to treasure what i had, the huge hands which brought warmth to my hands and wrapped tightly around my waist.
the feeling of being needed & loved, all the blissful moments and even heartaches, they wouldn't be possible w/o him.
and i really think i'd never find anyone else who'll love me as much as he does.
this r/s, though being short, but i feel that have gained alot alot from it.

you know, throughout these 16 months, i felt really tired and wanted to give up for dozens of times.
but for more than dozens of times, i was thinking to myself, "hey, you found yourself such a great guy and you know he loves you alot too. so why are you even thinking of giving up on all the things you have. try to work it out together, this is just a small obstacle along the path and if both of you really love each other, things will turn out well."
i would feel so enlightened and wanting to tell him how i felt and how much i wants to be with him blahblah.
but before i know it, everything's gone again.

there were many different reactions to our breakup.
most of them couldn't believe it that we have separated and feel pitiful for us.
others were telling me that i shouldn't do things that i'll regret in the future.
and yeah, only one pathetic soul was delighted to know that i'm single again wts.

though i was the one who initiated the breakup, but i feel like he needed it more than i do.
both of us need a break from all these craps, seriously.
if being a bad guy would make it easier for him to let go, i'd gladly do so, no matter what it takes.
as long as it's the best for him, and for us..

i may not have the confidence to go into a second r/s so soon, but i guess i really have to move on.
and till now, whenever i feel like i'm going to break down again,
a "yes" to the question on that thurs night, that was enough to keep me going.

no matter how hard it gonna be, i'll leave all the 2010's memories at where they belong,
and i'm really going to move on from there..
i love you.

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

went out with the girlies yesterday.
we went for singing session in the afternoon and the atmosphere got really high after we surprised shihui with the birthday cake, and of course, followed by typical birthday song. :)
that dear girl cried so badly.. :x

after that, some were standing, some were taking photos, while others were sitting on the floor hahaaa.
singing session with them was awesomeeeeeeeeeee, except that i really can't fit  in during the KPOP-SIAO times. :x
yeah, korean names & bands which sound really alilen to me and all the screamings at the korean stars. ;)
that feeling when everyone sings (screams?) the songs together till we get out of breath, it's so fun.
just the way you are, irreplaceable, di yi tian, breathless, you belong with me etc. :)

shihui told me the rest was really worried about me when i left the room for a few times.
but they just didn't dare to ask me about it.
i really appreciate their concerns, sweeties. :)

headed to bugis for dinner at porn's.
but the cafe was full, we can go there another time hahahh.
didn't catch Rapuzel in the end.
i wanna watch it soooooooooo badly! :(

went to 537 coffeeshop to find the bdn gang for drinking session.
ironically, i didn't take even a sip of alcohol.
honestly speaking, i didn't go there for that,
i don't really like to drink, especially beer.
just miss the times where we would sit there and lepak after we knock off from work. :)

i can't, i can't be selfless.
i'm just one selfish bitch.
i feel like i'm dying inside, literally.
thursday gonna be my last try.

it's already the last month of 2010.
how fast this year passed.
in 2009, december was one of the happiest months i ever had.
but this year, december is simply a depressing one..

i feel so drained, physically & emotionally.
lack of sleep, loss of appetite, tests and everything.

i'm in a confused state.
i know maybe things would be better after some time.
part of me really want to do my best to make things better.
but i feel like i'm the only one standing and battling.
what's the point then?

perhaps i'm so used to all the things and i can't accept the fact that everything has to change.
i'm a person who's really afraid of uncertainities and novelties.
i guess it takes time to adapt to the new things.
start letting the facts sink into my brain.

because i always believe if you really love me, you'll fight for me.

1. Pulau Ubin Trip








a littly irony, it's one of the most adventurous things i've done so far with TPAC.
cycling down the rocky slopes in the heavy rain, knowing there is a risk you might lose your balance and fly off the bicycle anytime.
it's really a fun experience, and some danger too i should say.
but what's adventure without a bit of risk in there. ;)
really wouldn't mind getting myself all dirty and tired again. :)

this photo was taken in april 2009, more than one year back, not a complete photo though.
had a simple dinner at lau pa sat and also to celebrate jiawen's (most left) birthday. :)
many memories were flashed in my mind, the good ones.
talking craps, slacking around and doing crazy stuffs together.
i miss those times. :)

happy 20th birthday to pretty wenwen~ :D

down on luck this week.
it surely can't get worse.

- a supposedly group project ended up to be an in-class assignment with 15% weightage and we were told on monday that we need to come up with a draft business letter on thursday?!
- all the books i need for my jap research are loaned out in tp lib & national lib!!
- i sort of painted my nails the wrong colours and my toes look weird now but i'm lazy to repaint them.. :/
- people around me are falling sick :(
- my handphone's screen suddenly turned blank today, scaring the shit out of me. :(
- my laptop's acting up on me when i need it to do my research & draft letter (and i'm a sucker at IT)
- feeling very sianned this week, for no reason.
- having period & gastrics, two at a time. bravo.

arghh, tell me what's next.